The Day my Miracle came into this world...

The morning came so slow that morning, I was so excited. Sleep? Nope that did not exist the night leading up to this morning. I tossed, I turned, I watched TV, I took three baths, and nothing could occupy my mind. Forty five minutes before it was time to leave I took a shower, Blow dried my hair, Straightened, and put on my make up :) I left the mascara off today, I knew this was going to be an emotional moment. I was like a ball of energy! Ready to go! I woke Deeco up and rushed him out the door <3 I was ready to go!

Deeco & I drove separate cars from my parents. Our hotel was only located about 5 minutes from the Miami Holtz Children Hospital.

 Our car rides, Even being super early in the morning, there was traffic! We had time to goof off!

Finally we arrived! With traffic the drive was a little longer than we expected. I didn't have a nerve in the world! I was more anxious! I was so ready to see my little man and touch him. It had been a long road already and felt like I was waiting for this day forever. I wasn't a bit nervous because I had already experienced the same incision as a C-Section. Plus my previous surgery was more intense than a C-Section. I told Deeco over and over in the recovery room before we went back to not forget to tell them  I wanted to instantly do skin and skin. Not cleaned off yet and all. It was my biggest request. For months I had been reading about the "skin to skin" moment and how important and beneficial it is. As we got off the elevator at the hospital they even had a huge poster about it. I couldn't reintegrate it enough to him how important this was for me to do.

The wait in recovery felt like a life time. All of us have sprint service, for some reason our phones were showing an hour behind. We all sat and checked our phones over and over. We had no clue they weren't showing the correct time.

Everyone came back to visit to occupy my time. Every time Bella's turn was up she would cry to go back again to stay with me. She's a great support system :) Always makes me smile. We ended up just leaving her as a permanent guest and everyone else had to take turns :) 

Finally we realized our phones were not working correctly. We didn't have an hour more wait. It was just minutes away. Deeco was extremely nervous. Everyone had told him all the horror stories of what you see during a C-Section. I was totally ready to go. I just wanted my little boy in my arms. Not a worry in the world It was time for me to go back!

When they came to get me I was ecstatic. I kissed my family goodbye, They all gave me my well wishes and yelled as they strolled me away how excited they were to see my little angel. Bella cried, she wanted to go too to meet her "baby brooder". She didn't understand that no kids were allowed. I kissed Deeco my "See ya soon" kiss and off I went!

As I went back to prep and get my epidermal, Deeco was coached and dressed in his scrubs. I can remember laying on the operating table, the doctor said "Okay are you ready to do this?" My first response was "No, You better go get Deeco! He cant miss this!". He giggled and said "He's on his way, Don't worry he wont miss anything!". 

Don't let the smile fool you :) This man was nervous! You know that awkward smiling and giggling you do when your nerves start to take over? That's what he was doing in the operating room. I still joke with him about it to this day. 

During my C-Section I think my famous line was "Look over the curtain, Do you see anything yet?" He would hesitantly peek and saying "No? Not yet every time". Before you know it he said "He's here!" Taj didn't cry right away like the movies? But I instantly started crying with Deeco. We held each other and I just kept saying "Are they bringing him to me?"

Deeco and the nurse behind me had told me they had to go clean him first, I could hear him cry now. It was the most emotional moment of my life, at the time. I cried and kept trying to turn the top of my body to look threw the machinery to see if I could catch a glimpse. Before knew it he was held up, It was a 2 second hold up literally. I didn't get to see him, I was so upset. Deeco had captured this picture that I had later on got to see in recovery. 

TAJ DAVID PORCELLI 

Born 12/20/12 @ 11:07am. 6 pounds 6 ounces

All I could think about over and over again was how this was the most amazing moment of my life. Remember that little boy I was carrying that I was told I had to terminate. GUESS WHAT?! I DID IT. I fought, I took my chances and he was here! I was overwhelmed with joy and love. I couldn't believe it.

Suddenly I heard "Come on dad its time to go." Deeco started to scurry out. I didn't understand, why hadn't I seen him? Why didn't I do skin to skin. But I knew every delivery was different and my doctor was not a very emotional man. Maybe its something he just didn't do. I layed there and talked to the nurses as they stitched me up. As the doctor finished he said "OK girl We did it". I responded with "Thank you so much Doctor, how is he?" His exact words were, "He's good, sometimes babies don't catch on to the breathing right away out of the womb, but he will when he gets into the nursery". I had already read about this so I was not alarmed. I was relaxed, happy and filled with emotions I had never felt before. 

I was taken back to recovery, to recover before I was put into a room. My mother came back first. I instantly started to get very sick. I don't do well with anesthesia. I get extremely sick. My mom got me buckets and cold rags to cool me down. I was miserable, It always last about 6 hours. I was hoping it was not going to happen this time. 

Everyone came back one by one to see me. Deeco was still in the nursery with Bella. I asked everyone how he was with a smile of joy on my face. At the time I thought everyone else was looking back at me with the same smile. Every one's response was "He's perfect, he looks just like Deeco". My mom stayed with me and tried to keep me as comfortable as possible. Felt like Deeco was gone forever. I wanted to see pictures, I wanted to hear from him he would have the most information.

I'll never forget the moment Deeco walked into recovery. I looked up to find him with eyes of pain looking back at me. I could see the lump in his throat. I asked what was wrong. He instantly broke down and told me everything was going to be OK. I knew right then things weren't OK. I pried for answers and no one really had any. The answer's were his breathing is a little off. I was hurting now, the happiest moment of my life was beginning to turn into the scariest moment of my whole journey. I thought I was in the clear, I was no where near there. I cried the most hurtful tears of my life. Never did I know something could hurt that bad until that moment... Soon to come the hurt was only going to get greater.

I waited for my room, and finally it was ready. Deeco spent most of the time down in the nursery. Well not exactly nursery, Taj had been put in the level three NICU unit. At this time everyone believed, because I delivered at 37 weeks his lungs had not fully developed yet. It's common, simple process.

Deeco would bring me these pictures back from each visit. I was so upset, I didn't get to hold him, see what he looked like in person or anything. I didn't expect any of this, Why is this happening after we made it this far? He explained to me he had a few tubes and was in an incubator. I just layed there in hurt.

I stayed in my room for 11 hours until I was cleared to go to NICU. My head was going a million miles per hour, I was hurting like I could never put into words. Please we made it this far....

I only had a longer journey lying ahead of me... With a broken heart and feelings I could never explain I stood up out of bed and sat in my wheel chair. I'll never forget that trip to the NICU, Deeco had been the amazing father he is the second Taj was born. He never left his side and counted the seconds until he could bring his Mommy to him.... We were only walking into the hardest moments of our life.